Friday, September 28, 2012

Bitch of the Week: Jennie Garth, Queen of 9021-Oh Snap!

Still ruling the 90210 zip code after all these years.
Happy Friday! The weekend is finally upon us, and what better way to celebrate its arrival than with the Bitch of the Week. You may be questioning what exactly is the difference between Bitch of the Week and Cunt of the Week. The answer is simple: while a Cunt of the Week is someone who just sucks ass, a Bitch of the Week rocks the shit out of life. It's a highly prestigious title, and it gives me great honor to present it to the great Jennie Garth.

Photographic proof that Jennie has been
making the ultimate bitch face since 1992.
Jennie rose to fame in the 90s while starring in Beverly Hills, 90210 as Kelly Taylor, a self-absorbed bitch with a slutty reputation to boot. Anyone who knows me will tell you that any character fitting such a description is usually my fave, so I was instantly drawn to Kelly, and to Jennie by default. Though Kelly was originally a supporting role on the show, playing second fiddle to a couple of flannel-clad twins from the Mid West, it didn't take Jennie long to outshine the resident hag, who is occasionally referred to as Shannen Doherty, and become the show's female lead. There was so much alleged tension between Jennie and Shannen as the former's character began eclipsing the latter's that it was reportedly one important factor in Shannen losing her job. Other reasons include her excessive partying and legendary cuntitude. Jennie & Co. would have none of that! Here's Jennie being passive aggressive as fuck about Shannen's departure to Entertainment Weekly:
We were friends at work, and I miss her most of the time. We were all uncertain about how it would be (without her). But now that we're back, it's like she was never here.
Beautifully said, J! But like a true bitch, Jennie didn't go without feuding for long. When Tiffani Amber Thiessen dragged her sorry ass from Saved by the Bell to BH90210 for the fifth season, Jennie let that Brenda Walsh wannabe know her place immediately. While the women eventually became friends, Jennie soon shut her out again. Loving the whole "keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer and then banish them" attitude! The cat fight is still making headlines as of this past May, which is just too delicious!

Soon enough, Jennie was queen of the set, basically carrying the whole fucking show by herself and continued to do so for ten seasons. (Let's face it, it's not like Ian Ziering and Tori Spelling could really do shit.) So important was Jennie's portrayal of Kelly that she even launched an entire fucking spin-off, the famed Melrose Place, and would later reprise her role in the 2008 90210 reboot. Can you imagine having the foundation of an entire franchise on your shoulders? Of course not. You ain't Jennie Garth!

Since the BH90210's finale in 2000, Jennie's career has flagged quite a bit, but that hasn't stopped her from being the ultimate bitch. She starred in the underrated sitcom What I Like About You from 2002 to 2006, during which time Jennie reportedly got into yet another feud with her co-star, a pre-meltdown Amanda Bynes. Then she danced the shit out of Dancing With the Stars in 2007 and reached the semi-finals. (Side note: Shannen Doherty also did the show and was eliminated in the first week. Lol!) That same year, she taught me and my entire health class all we needed to know about AIDS in the Lifetime movie Girl Positive. Oh, and she was also married to that Twilight guy for a bit. They had a couple of kids and then he cheated on her. Guess some men can't handle a true bitch!

It's clear that Jennie Garth is, has always been, and will continue to be a bitch. Whether it's picking fights with co-stars or just being an all-around BAMF, Jennie knows who she is and she is not apologizing for it. You go, girl!