Friday, October 19, 2012

Bitch of the Week: Andy Cohen

He can rest easy knowing that his reality TV
legacy has forever damaged the collective
American IQ.
It's a horrible misconception in today's society that men cannot be bitches. To remedy this baseless double standard, I've decided to award Bitch of the Week to a man. Kudos to Andy Cohen for becoming the first dude to get the title.

In case you're unfamiliar with Andy, he's a gay Jew who took over the Bravo network. He is not at all unlike Oprah. Except he's not black or a lesbian. He's the mastermind behind The Real Housewives franchise and hosts all of the reunions, during which he enjoys starting shit between the easily irritable women.

How many other people can say they gave fame to a previously unnoticed breed of catty upper class women? If it weren't for him, we wouldn't have guidettes flipping their shit (and sometimes, tables), former prostitutes just off of their nineteenth engagement, Paris Hilton's alcoholic aunts bickering all the fucking time, or batshit crazy New York socialites who believe their hypocrisy and pathological lying prove their ever-evolving nature.

Eventually, Andy decided to just give himself his own show, like any other bitch would. It's called Watch What Happens Live. It's basically him wearing appropriately flamboyant outfits, drinking, and making fun of people, usually with a B-list celebrity at his side. There is nothing about that of which I disapprove.

Andy quite possibly might be the bitch of life, because he already has an Emmy and is friends with all the right celebrities. The only thing that could possibly make him more awesome is if he were responsible for the Kardashian empire. Sorry, those kudos go to Ryan Seacrest. Still, Andy knows what it takes to be a Bitch of the Week and he will never stop. So, bravo! (Lol.)


Madeleine Wills said...

Andy Cohen's got the 411.

Anonymous said...

He is a nasty piece of the puzzle of moral decline, a greedy vehicle of embarrassing, poor behaviour, shining the light on despicable, deluded, fame hungry, greedy women. You feel debased and contaminated after watching; but like fire flies attracted to bright light we watch mesmerized robotic - better not to start because it's a hard awful, kind of habit. Yuk but he makes money right and that is all he cares about - he is inherently of worse character than any of the imbeciles to 'grace' his couch!!!