Saturday, December 22, 2012

Tommy Picks 5 Singers Who Should Have Christmas Albums

In the midst of the 25 Days of Christmas countdown, it's important to acknowledge those truly amazing artists who don't have festive songs to bring us cheer during this holiday season. Here's a list of singers who I think need to release Christmas albums for the 2013 holiday season.

1, 2, 3 not only you and me.
1. The Legendary Miss Britney Spears
We're all aware of "My Only Wish (This Year)", Britney's holiday standard, as well as rumors that she planned to record a Christmas album back in the day, so what's wrong with praying that we someday get a super fun holiday album? Possible lyrics: "Santa's on the roof, the elves are jumping/In your lap the bass is pumping."

2. Lana Del Rey
It'd be such a treat to hear Lana Del Rey put her anti-feminist, damaged beauty queen persona against a winter wonderland backdrop. Possible lyrics: "Kiss me hard before you go/I got my red dress on/Under the mistletoe/In your Bugatti Veyron."

3. Nicki Minaj
As if I even need to explain the fucking epicness that would ensue if Her Minajesty hollered out some jingles. Possible lyrics: "I'm singing ho ho ho's/You fucking little hoes/Couldn't get a man if you was wearing mistletoes."

4. One Direction
Boy bands are back, bitches, and nobody would bring more tidings of comfort and joy than One Direction. Their Christmas album would combine my three greatest loves: the holidays, music geared towards tweens, and British culture. Possible lyrics: "This Christmas, I'm as cold as the snow/I see you with him and I can't let you go."

5. Ke$ha
What's Christmas without a little glitter? Quite simply, a Ke$ha Christmas album would end war and bestow upon us world peace for eternity. Possible lyrics: "Run, run, Rudolf, as fast as you can/Jump inside my fucking gold Trans Am/Forget the sleigh, I'll ride saddle back/Kicking with my girls and a bottle of Jack."

This Christmas, my only wish is that by next Christmas, all of these albums come to fruition. #pray


Madeleine Wills said...

I love the lyric suggestions! Especially ke$ha's.

Taylor Tanton said...

You need to become a song writer! What up!

Taylor Tanton said...

You do everything to perfection