Friday, January 11, 2013

Bitch of the Week: Chelsea Handler

She's bitchy and she knows it.

Very few people embody and epitomize bitchery quite like our very first Bitch of the Week of the year, Chelsea Handler. Chelsea grew up in a half-Mormon, half-Jewish household in New Jersey, so naturally the only thing an environment like that would produce is a comedienne with lots of crass and sass.

She rose to fame in 2007 when she began hosting Chelsea Lately, her own late night talk show on which she makes fun of celebrities. Any bitch who can get paid for doing that is more than deserving of the Bitch of the Week title. Now, she's not only a successful TV producer and stand-up comedian, but also a best-selling author. With three books under her belt, Chelsea climbs to the top of the New York Best Sellers list by writing about her experiences with sex, drinking, and her ridiculous family.

The ultimate BFF.
Her personal life is just as colorful as her professional ventures. She's dated everyone under the sun, from Animal Planet star Dave Salmoni to wash-up rapper 50 Cent. She's best friends with Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon and has countless feuds with the likes of Angelina Jolie, Joan Rivers, and Kathy Lee Gifford. She also has a little nugget of a sidekick, a Mexican little person named Chuy Bravo.

In short, Chelsea is to bitchery what Jesus is to the Christians. It simply is and it's high time everybody recognizes that. If you still aren't sure, turn on E! at any hour of the day and you're bound to catch an episode of one of her shows, or at least a commercial for one, which are equally as funny. (Bonus: you'll more than likely be watching the Kardashians when you do this as well. Win-win!) To conclude today's Bitch of the Week, I've compiled some of Chelsea's best quotes:
  • "There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers."
  • "I like to stay at home and sit on my ass."
  •  "I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around."
  • "Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor."
  • "I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people."
  • "People are always like, 'Oh, she’s such a bitch.' I’m like, 'Yeah, I am a bitch, actually.'"


Madeleine Wills said...

I love the quotes section! too good, especially the paris hilton one.

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