Friday, February 8, 2013

Bitch of the Week: Jennifer Lawrence

Holla at a bitch.
The reigning Bitch of the Week is long overdue for the title. Jennifer Lawrence has been on the short list for quite a while, and I'm elated to finally get on this shit. With the Academy Awards just around the corner, the timing couldn't be better!

Born and raised in Kentucky, bitch started her acting career on The Bill Engvall Show. Roots like these aren't typically those which produce Bitches of the Week, but luckily Jennifer only spent three years on that shit before eventually getting her breakout role in 2010's Winter's Bone. In the film, Jennifer played a bitchin' hick who goes through a lot of shit in the backwoods meth ring to find out what happened to her father. She even eats a squirrel.

Of course, it wasn't until The Hunger Games that Jenny and her bow and arrow landed on most people's radars. And now with a million awards for her performance in Silver Linings Playbook, it seems like Jennifer is unstoppable. That's all good and dandy, but what really makes Jennifer a true bitch is her personality. She gives absolutely no fucks when it comes to life, and that's exactly how it should be.

Rather than tell you myself, I'll let JLaw do the talking:
  • On exercising: "I hate saying 'I like exercising.' I want to punch people who say that in the face."
  • On a bowl of fan questions: "I thought it was gonna be food. It's just... words."
  • On meeting Catching Fire director Francis Lawrence: "Our first conversation was on the phone. I was in the bathtub, and I had to tell him that I was in the bathtub because I was afraid he would think I was, like, playing in the toilet when he heard water swishing around. [...] Then we had breakfast in Santa Monica, and I spit egg inside of his mouth when I was talking. Like, it went in. Into his mouth."
  • On describing herself: "Very well-rounded, and practically perfect."
  • On peeing: "I’m the fastest pee-er ever. I’m famous for it."
I understand this was an incredibly brief history of Jenny's bitchery, but I truly believe some things require no explanation. Right now, everybody has their eyes on this girl and we can all easily see why she's Bitch of the Week. If you're still not convinced, watch ANY of her interviews from late night television. It's life changing, seriously.

17 comments:

MKlass said...

YES! Jennifer Lawrence wins at life.

Taylor Tanton said...

All her quotes are priceless! I never knew she was so bitch-y

Anonymous said...

She is not a bitch. She's honest and elaborate because its how she is. Damn...

Anonymous said...

all of those quotes are taken out of context

Madeleine Wills said...

To anonymous: to understand this post (not to mention all of the other "bitch of the week" posts), you have to understand that it's a compliment of the highest order. Jennifer Lawrence being named Bitch of the Week is a GOOD thing! she's funny and fun and great!

Taylor Tanton said...

Well said Madeleine! Bitch of the week is a complement of the highest degree! You would know this if you read the rest of the blog which I suggest you do! It's a blast!

Akshita said...

Jennifer Lawrence has the most ugliest, annoying face I've ever seen. I fail to understand how people just see the curvy body and drool over her, not noticing the hideous face on that body. I can't stand her honestly. Seeing her face makes me want to slap it.
What is even more annoying is her attempt at being the girl next door. BITCH YOU'RE FAKE! I'd go through an entire concert of Nicki Minaj than watch even an advertisement featuring her.

Anonymous said...

Thank you someone with some sense!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree. Jennifer Lawrence us such a bitch. She should have this title for the rest of her life. I hate Jennifer Lawrence!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree. She us so fake. I hate Jennifer Lawrence!

Anonymous said...

I agree. She us so fake. I hate Jennifer Lawrence!

Anonymous said...

She is rude and self-entitled, just like her overweight "security guard" and personal assistant Justine who must always show up in pyjamas. What an Oscar press push - what a snow job for anyone to believe this girl can act. Her only act is being intolerable.

Anonymous said...

BITCH with a capital "B". SO glad to find that there are actually people who AREN'T kissing this little cunt's ass. Fugly AND bitchy. She'll drop off the face of the planet once her teen fan base dies down and the stupid trilogy she's in is over---GOOD RIDDANCE in advance, bitch.

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Anonymous said...

She's an annoying useless cuntfaced bitch.

Anonymous said...

She got a fetal alcohol syndrome face. Or inbred. Or been chasing parked cars. Flat and ugly.

Bunger games said...

Y'all some fucking trifling bitches! Jennifer Lawrence is a hottie! I'd bang her like a drum! Granted she may not be as pretty as Scarlett J. or Jessica Alba, but I'd bet a paycheck she's hotter than any of the bitches who are hating on her in this blog.