Friday, March 15, 2013

Bitch of the Week: Betty White

Like you're really surprised!

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that people change. As such, many of our former Bitches of the Week may not be worthy of the title days, months, or years from now. Yes, only the baddest bitches withstand the test of time, and at 91 years old, I think it's safe to say that our next BoW will forever live in bitchery. It's Betty Fucking White.

Betty has been famous basically since Hollywood got started. She was a mega radio star but catapulted into fame with her roles in The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Golden Girls. Ever since then, errybody wants a piece of her. She be winning awards left and right, guest starring on shows up the wazoo, and writing books like crazy. She even has a calendar of her pictured with various animals. If that's not bitchery, I don't know what is.

Since Betty is so old, she can get away with doing and saying a bunch of shit that your average, pre-menopause bitch couldn't. And it just makes her all the more amazing. For example...
  • "Why do people say 'grow some balls'? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding."
  • "All creatures must learn to coexist. That’s why the brown bear and the field mouse can share their lives in harmony. Of course, they can’t mate or the mice would explode."
  • "I may be a senior, but so what? I'm still hot."
  • "I have a two-story house and a bad memory, so I'm up and down those stairs all the time. That's my exercise."
  • "People have told me, 'Betty, Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with old friends.' At my age, if I wanted to keep in touch with old friends, I'd need a Ouija board."
Clearly, Betty is a classic bitch and you all can deal. She is fantastic and would totally win the Lifetime Achievement of Bitchery Award if I had one. (Idea!)


Taylor Tanton said...

Where do I get this calendar!

MKlass said...

Hahah. "Live in Bitchery forever." I hope to put that on my tombstone one day.