Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Cunt of the Week: Chris Brown

Stings, don't it?
It was only a matter of time before Chris Brown received the title of Cunt of the Week. With Rihanna being the first recipient and Justin Bieber recently opening up the award to all genders, Chris just seemed like the next logical choice. Of course, I hardly have to tell you what's so cunty about him. But where's the fun in holding back?

Chris Brown didn't start off so bad. In fact, he was pretty clean cut when he first hit (too soon?) the scene. He signed with Jive Records in 2005, a decision he made based on the label's success with artists like Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. Clearly, Chris possessed what we in the biz call common sense. If you're able to recognize Britney has the ideal everything career, you might just deserve to follow in her footsteps.

Chris was making great progress with his career, releasing jams such as "Gimme That" and "Kiss Kiss", scoring the occasional acting gig, and maintaining a squeaky clean rep. Hell, he was like Usher and vintage Michael Jackson rolled into one. He was great. He was on top. Nothing could stop him!

But then...

On February 8, 2009, Chris beat the shit out of Rihanna. Like real bad. Overnight, Chris became Public Enemy #1. (Rihanna maybe should have become some sort of martyr, but nobody seemed to care too much about her.) His reputation was ruined and his career was ruined. I, like most of us, could do nothing but ask HOW. How could this baby-faced singer sing something so sentimental as "With You" and then also be a woman-beater?

But before anybody could really assess the sitch, Chris did some immediate damage control. He made a few heavily scripted and severely unconvincing video messages to the public and broke down while performing a cover of "Man in the Mirror". It was all pretty transparent, but at least he was trying. It was all probably for the best, except for when he compared himself and RiRi to Romeo and Juliet, because that's fucking disgusting to say, even for a non-violent person. Most disturbing, however, was the slew of teenage girls who said shit like:
Chris Brown is sooo hawt! I'd let him hit me!
That actually happened. Like, there was a news story on it. And if those are the kinds of fans you have, you bet your ass you're a cunt.

Now, if this was a one-time mistake for Chris, I supposed that he maybe wouldn't have gotten Cunt of the Week. After all, he's not the first celebrity to make a mistake, and if Rihanna can forgive him, beaver first, why can't the rest of us? But the thing is, Chris kept cunting it up. Let's see how...
  • He and Rihanna are currently together again. It's fucking stupid on both their parts, but why Chris was able to tolerate her in the first place, I'll never know.
  • He goes on endless Twitter rants and public tirades, throwing around racist and homophobic slurs like they're going out of style.
  • In March 2011, he threw a TV out of his dressing room window after filming an interview for Good Morning America.
  • That same month, nude pictures of him hit the internet. Shit, even Rihanna has yet to be that classless.
  • Also that month, he bleached his hair and looked like a total douche. March 2011 was a big month for Chris.
  • In June 2012, he got into an altercation with Drake at a New York bar.
  • In September 2012, he got a neck tattoo that looks suspiciously like a bruised Rihanna post-smackdown.
  • In February 2013, he allegedly assaulted Frank Ocean.
It's clear that Chris Brown is nowhere near finding his path to recovery. Sure, he's still successful, but he's arguably the most hated man in America and has done little to fix his reputation. Maybe if we stopped buying his music, he'd realize he had to clean up his act. Until then, however, I hope that the next time you hear him on the radio, you think to yourself, What a cunt!

P.S. Let this be a lesson to us all. If you hate a bitch, blog about it. Don't hit her!

1 comment:

Taylor Tanton said...

I never saw this coming!