Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Cunt of the Week: Kristen Stewart

Always lively, always photogenic.
Is there anything more cunt-inducing than Twilight? Aside from the sheer beauty of Kellan Lutz, I can't think of a single good thing that was birthed from that shitty book-turned-film series. This is especially true when it comes to Kristen Stewart, who brought to life played Bella Swan in the movies.

In case you're wondering... Yes, Kristen Stewart does consider herself an actress, and she's paid an obscene amount of money for her so-called performances. If you're like me, you're wondering how the hell she ever got her big break. She's neither pretty nor talented, so what does she bring to the table? Well, it turns out that both her parents have been in the biz forever, so her sickening career is just a result of good connections.

It's true that KStew may have gotten her start in a nonspeaking role in the groundbreaking Disney Channel mermaid flick The Thirteenth Year, but it wasn't until the 2008 release of the first Twilight film that she became a pain in everybody's asses. As Bella, Kristen woodenly wandered around the screen and belched out her lines as if she had better things to do. As more and more of the vampire flicks hit the silver screen, Kristen only became more and more famous, and her real life romance with onscreen lover Robert Pattinson didn't help matters. That shit might have worked for Zac and Vanessa, but ain't nobody wanna see these two date in real life.

(Sidebar: Were we really expected to believe that characters played by the allegedly attractive Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner would fight over this troll? I personally don't buy it.)

Of course, perhaps Kristen's most notorious display of cuntitude occurred in July 2012, when Us Weekly published photos of Kristen's pale ass clinging onto her very married Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Saunders. In the months that followed, KStew was called "The Most Hated Woman in America." This was a really fun time for me, even though it appears that Robert and much of the public has since forgiven her. (She's even moving forward with a fucking Snow White sequel. Like wtf, seriously...)

For kicks, let's hear what Kristen has to say about herself, her career, and her life. Get ready for some ironic lawlz:
  • "You can learn so much from bad things. I feel boring. I feel like, Why is everything so easy for me? I can't wait for something crazy to fucking happen to me. Just life. I want someone to fuck me over. Do you know what I mean?"
  • "Good relationship advice for me trends to be being honest and knowing yourself. Don't be an asshole. Don't be mean. Don't take shit. Don't settle."
  • "I do things very impulsively; I don't really like to plan things at all. If I am passionate about something then I will do it."
  • "I think romance is anything honest. As long as it's honest, it's so disarming."
  • "What you don't see are the cameras shoved in my face and the bizarre intrusive questions being asked, or the people falling over themselves, screaming and taunting to get a reaction. The photos are so... I feel like I'm looking at someone being raped."
Now that the Twilight saga is finally over (five fucking films later), I do hope that we don't hear too much of KStew in the future. She's not even the funny kind of hot mess who says stupid shit and gets into trouble. She's just really fucking annoying and, to be quite fucking honest, a cunt.

3 comments:

Taylor Tanton said...

Hate her! She ruined something beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Never liked Twilight or this stupid excuse for a human being. She is hideous both inside and out and can't freaking act, I think when she sleeps with all the Hollywood directors they put a bag over her ugly ----ed up face. She's right life is too easy for her, she doesn't deserve a penny she's paid.

Anonymous said...

I think K. Stew is nothing but a "stoner" that thinks she is too cool to go to school.....!