Sunday, August 25, 2013

A Few Thoughts on the MTV Music Video Awards

This week, on "Hannah Montana"...
This year's MTV VMAs had everything. Miley Cyrus made everybody unformfortable. Lady Gaga gave everybody nightmares. And Taylor Swift told One Direction and their fans to shut the fuck up. If you're ready to get fucked in the brain, keep reading...

Chuck E. Cheese gone wild.

Miley's Just Being Miley... And the Smith Family Isn't Having It

Miley Cyrus was certainly blurring lines of basic human decency when she performed not only her hit "We Can't Stop", by also accompanied Robin Thicke on "Blurred Lines". And nobody thought it was more ratchet than Will Smith and his children.

"We Can't Stop"? No, you can stop now. Thanks.

And They Weren't The Only Ones

Here are some other audience reactions to Miley's performance.

Rihanna and One Direction are unimpressed.
And Drake is bored as hell.

But Don't Worry, That Didn't Stop Miley from Doing This...

Foam finger genitalia are totally in.
Here's the Full Performance, Because Everybody Should See It

Holy shit, it's like calm the fuck down. "We Can't Stop" is supposed to be a laid back (gross people might even say "chill") song. I don't need you screaming and twerking with fucking giant pink teddy bears. You're also not black, or a man, so yes, you can indeed fucking stop.

I Am Katy, Here Me Roar

I was under the impression that Katy Perry wasn't a strong live performer, but she rocked her first performance of her new hit "Roar". Wtf is a lady gaga?

Meanwhile, Lady Gaga Continues to Do Weird Shit Like This

I fucking hate her.

Macklemore Gets a Special Introduction

Even though I'm sick to fucking death of Macklemore's "Same Love", you gotta appreciate the message. And having Jason Collins, the first openly gay NBA star, introduce the song is a nice touch.

'N Sync Reunites... But It Sucks

Justin Timberlake (or the President of Pop, as we're apparently calling him) received the Michael Jackson Video Vangaurd Award, which is just the VMA's pretentious way of saying lifetime achievement aware. (Britney already won it, tbh...) And he performed a beautiful 17-minute long medley of his biggest hits, which of course took us back to 'N Sync. Lance Bass and all the other ones nobody cares about joined Justin on stage for about a minute or two to perform a half-assed version of "Bye Bye Bye". All over the world, 90s children were disappointed.

This is pretty much how long 'N Sync was on stage for.

Taylor Tells Directioners to Shut the Fuck Up

No, this is not a joke. While ex Harry Styles and the rest of One Direction were on stage presenting an award, the crowd went crazy. Taylor's reaction?

Shame on you, Miss Swift!
Why is Selena friends with this bitch again?


Taylor said...

I feel sorry for the people that had to watch Miley make a fool of herself

Claire Knowles said...

By far my favorite part of this article was the Lady Gaga section. Can she not? And why are we comparing her and Katy Perry again? Is this really a competition? Are we really not sure of the outcome?