Friday, October 25, 2013

Bitch of the Week: The Daughters of Triton

Strength in numbers.

With each passing day, it seems like the public fascination with Disney Princesses grows by two-fold. And don't get me wrong, I support that shit. But what about those Disney characters who are just as deserving of all the love? Specifically, what about the other princesses who are often ignored simply because they aren't part of the official line up? More specifically, what about the Daughters of King Triton?

As Ariel's other sisters, these six mermaids are all at least one step closer to the throne than Ariel, and are therefore are a little more royal than Ariel. But nobody cares because they don't have an interest in the human world. I bet they have pretty cool hobbies, but we'll never find out.

So what makes Aquata, Arista, Andrina, Atina, Alana, and Adella Bitch of the Week material? Well, let's start with their fun-as-fuck musical number in The Little Mermaid. It may be brief, but it shows that they all yearn for the limelight and command the stage, both of which are important traits for BoWs.

Secondly, there's their general appearance. Not to throw any shade at Ariel or anything, but girlfriend does not know how to match her shells to her fin. At least her sisters have that shit on lock, and they style their hair with chic sea accessories, something Ariel could also benefit from.

Over the years, we've learned a lot about these sisters, and much of that information contradicts one another. The eldest sister changes so often it's hard to keep track of, not that we can really remember which one is which anyway. The animated TV series randomly made one of the sisters overweight.

And The Little Mermaid 3: Ariel's Beginning really fucked things up when it attempted to give the sisters individual personalities. I mean, it was fun to learn that one of them is boy crazy and another doesn't like to dance, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. I want to know what makes these girls tick. What are their insecurities? What are their talents aside from singing? Were any of them touched as children? (It may seem irreverent, but it is important!)

While we'll never learn the answers to these questions, we can still celebrate what we know about these girls, which is that they are simply the bitchiest mermaids around. Ariel knew she couldn't take the heat so she got out of the ocean. Bow down to the Daughters of Triton!


Anonymous said...

"I bet they have pretty cool hobbies, but we'll never find out." HAHAHA

Biscuit said...

You are the only one that gets it!