Friday, October 4, 2013

Bitch of the Week: Tina Fey

Date night.

Tina Fey is the current Bitch of the Week and can we all say, FINALLY?! It's about time that the fucking Queen of Comedy got her Tommy Time dues.

I don't want to get the bras burning here, but Tina Fey has been a pioneering force for women in the entertainment industry, especially in the male-dominated world of comedy. Obviously, bitch got her start on Saturday Night Live as a writer in 1997 and was promoted to alpha bitch head writer two years later, becoming the show's first woman in the role.

Though she had appeared as an extra in previous sketches, Tina didn't become a main player for SNL until 2000, when she co-anchored the Weekend Update sketches with Jimmy Fallon. With Fallon's exit four years later, Tina was then paired with Amy Poehler. And the finest friendship in bitchstory was born.

In 2006, Tina departed SNL and went on to create and star in 30 Rock for seven seasons. But that didn't keep her away from the show that made her famous from long; who could forget her flawless Sarah Palin impressions?

Unfortunately, Tina's biography isn't nearly as funny or bitchy as the woman herself. So here's a little taste of why she's a Bitch of the Week in her own words...
  • On stardom: "One day last week when I was writing, I was in my sweatpants, exhausted, and I realized I’d just eaten six Kit Kats in 10 minutes."
  • On blondes: "Let’s admit it, yellow hair does have magic powers. You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it."
  • On glasses: "Glasses would make anyone look smarter. You put glasses on Woody Harrelson in Indecent Proposal and he’s an architect. You put a pair of glasses on Denise Richards and she’s a paleontologist."
  • On important social issues: "I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society… unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool."
  • On other important social issues: "Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of."
  • On the "women aren't funny" debate: "It’s one that now I feel free to opt out of because it’s just so boring. The fact that it’s still even talked about is just so, so boring and dumb."
  • On Playboy bunnies: "I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but every one of them — every single one — has those pencil-eraser nipples and an orangey-tanny body. I just don’t understand where the appeal is. If you’re going to be a whore, at least be original about it."
  • On being named one of People's 50 Most Beautiful People: "I’ve been reading the ‘50 Most Beautiful People’ issue for years, and there’s always one person on the list who makes you think, ‘Give me a fucking break.’ This year, I’m proud to be that person."