Friday, December 6, 2013

Bitch of the Week: The Girls Next Door


Bitch of the Week is traditionally awarded to one individual, but this week, the title is shared amongst a group of fierce bitches, the Girls Next Door. No, not the "cool babysitty" who lived kitty corner from you. I'm talking about the blindingly blonde, big breasted, bimbo brained Playboy bunnies that starred on the reality show The Girls Next Door.

The show followed Hugh Hefner's three girlfriends and their exploits while living in the Playboy Mansion. They were basically sorority girls who refused to grow up, but while that kind of shit annoys me to end, it totally works here. Let's take a closer look at the girls, shall we?

She knows all the tricks.

Firstly there's Holly Madison, Hef's number one girl (or former number one, but we'll get into that later). She's blonde and enjoys being domestic. It was obvious she didn't like sharing her "Puffin" with the other girls, but hey, she's the one that "got" to sleep in his bed. After the show ended, Holly revealed that she and Hef had been broken up for someone and maintained a fake relationship for the cameras. She then moved to Las Vegas, headlines her own burlesque show on the strip as well as her own reality show, and is now a mother.

Pretty much my mantra.

Then there's Bridget Marquardt, who is also blonde. As the "smart" one (she went to college or something), she's pretty fucking stupid. But that's fine, because she is also hilarious, but definitely the least famous girlfriend. Once she got the opportunity to film Bridget's Sexiest Beaches around the world, she was out of that mansion faster than you can say "c'mon ta my house, to my house, I'm gonna give you ca-an-dy!" Maybe she was the smart one!


Lastly but not leastly, there's Kenda Wilkinson, the youngest and blondest of the girls. She marches to the beat of her own drummer and often think she's black. It's quite entertaining, and once she ditched Hef for hubby Hank Baskett, she continued her cray antics on her own show. She's now a mother, too. In fact, she might have two children.

So what makes these girls so wonderfully bitchy? Well, they made a fortune off of being pretty. They can't act, they can't sing, and they can't even really call themselves credible reality stars, because they never seemed in on the joke. They were simply good looking enough to enter the intriguing world of the Playboy Mansion, which then made them celebrities.

And what could be more bitchy than that? If you can make hella coinage for doing close to nothing, you are everything Bitch of the Week stands for. So well done, Holly, Bridget, and Kenda. Bitch on, ladies!


Madeleine Wills said...

"blindingly blonde, big breasted, bimbo brained bunnies" - love that alliteration! A+

Taylor said...

These just keep getting better and better!