Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Cunt of the Week: Anne Hathaway, a Dubious Cunt If There Ever Was One

And here's another award for you...

The night was February 24, 2013. Over 40 million Americans were watching the 85th Annual Academy Awards. It was a joyous supposed to be a joyous occasion. But then, Anne Hathaway was awarded the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. Thankfully, it wasn't for he obnoxious performance in The Dark Knight Rises, but for her role in Les Misérables, which I didn't bother seeing. When Anne took the stage, she said, quietly enough that it could be passed off as a private thought but directly into the microphone so that everyone in the audience and all of us at home could hear, "It came true."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the epitome of Anne Hathaway's cuntitude. Now, I haven't always hated Anne. When she first made a name for herself in The Princess Diaries, who didn't love her? She was so great that I was willing to overlook her participation in its disastrous sequel and the spell-binding shit-spewing Ella Enchanted. And The Devil Wears Prada? Genius. It only reaffirmed my admiration for the actress.

But sometime in between then and now, she got really cunty. But why? There's actually nothing inherently wrong with her; in fact, there's a lot that's right with her. She's talented. She's successful. She's pretty. She's intelligent. So maybe the reason I hate her is because she's too damn perfect. And the fact that she knows that and indulges in it like she's some sort of fucking saint makes me sick. She knows she's talented. She knows she's successful. She knows she's pretty. She knows she's intelligent.

She's a full-time actress. That might seem like a compliment, given that she is, by trade, an actress, but it's really not meant to be flattering. Anne Hathaway does not seem like a real person. She's like a mannequin, or a robot programmed for public consumption. Even worse, she seems like she's always playing to the people in the back of the theater. Everything she does seems calculated and rehearsed, like she's eternally fixated on being America's sweetheart.

Let's look at two recent examples. There was the December 2012 interview with Matt Lauer on Today. The controversial news anchor repeatedly referenced the crotch shots a paparazzo had recently taken while Anne stepped out of a car sans underwear. (See Britney? It happens to the best of 'em.) When asked what lesson she had learned from the experience, Anne responded:
Well, it was obviously an unfortunate incident. Um, I think— It kinda made me sad on two accounts. One was that I was very sad that we live in an age when someone takes a picture of another person in a vulnerable moment and, rather than delete it, and do the decent thing, sells it. And I’m sorry that we live in a culture that commodifies sexuality of unwilling participants, which brings us back to Les Mis, because that’s what my character is—she is someone who is forced to sell sex to benefit her child, because she has nothing and there’s no social safety net. And I— Yeah, so, um, so let’s get back to Les Mis.
Brilliant, right? She makes her point respectfully and assertively. And it's hard to disagree with what she says. But does this make you like her? Personally, I commend the ease with which she formulated this response on the fly, but it also makes me dislike her. It's almost inhuman how quickly she weaves the incident into the troubled fabric of our society. Once again, it seems calculated and rehearsed.

The second example I'll give is her acceptance speech from the Critics Choice Awards last year. Anne pointed out that her name had been misspelled onscreen (it read "Ann" instead of "Anne") and then apologized for her "gauche" behavior. Not even an English professor would whip out that word for a seemingly spontaneous comment. It sounded scripted, almost cold.

Nothing about Anne Hathaway seems personable or friendly. Most celebrities stick out because we either love them or hate them. But not Anne. She sticks out because she's so distant and boring. There must be another dozen celebrities just like her, but none have racked up the public heat like Anne has.

And that's what makes her a dubious cunt. She deserves the title simply because she's annoying beyond all belief, but the things that make her annoying don't immediately call for the title. I think it's still appropriate to bestow upon her the title of Cunt of the Week, however, just so she's recognized in some way. :)


Taylor said...

I always want to look just like her

MKlass said...

Ugh, gauche. That's gross.

Anonymous said...

I think Anne is sexiful. Let her fullfill her life with her gorgeous femine figure. Do not impart disparaging intents to her.

Eddie said...

I say you rock.

Anonymous said...

Anne Hathaway is a total CUNT. A "notice me" cunt, who has no electricity or spark with any of her male co-stars. Why? Because THEY know she's a fuckin' cunt 24/7.