Thing I Love #13: Clarabelle Cow and Horace Horsecollar
If you don't know who Clarabelle Cow and Horace Horsecollar are, it's time to get familiar! She's a cow and he's a horse, obviously, and together, they are some of Mickey Mouse's very first friends! Before Donald, before Goofy, even before Pluto, there was Clarabelle and Horace. Originally, they were both on all fours but eventually evolved and got themselves to a department store STAT.
The best part? They're in LOVE! (Sometimes Clarabelle is paired with Goofy, but we'll ignore that for now.) As for why you may not have seen them before, it's because they took the same post-WWII popularity hit that Mickey took and never recovered. However, in recent years, they've become increasingly more prolific. I personally met them at Disneyland this past weekend for the first time!
Thing I Hate #13: People Making Their Own Princess Line-Up
Like it or not, the official Disney Princess line-up is: Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Mulan, Tiana, Rapunzel, Merida, Anna, and Elsa. I personally take a few issues with this, but I don't go around making up my own line-up.
But a ton of people do, apparently. Fans go ape shit and love adding random female characters to Disney Princess franchise. Some are excusable, others are not. Let's look at some of the more frequently fan-added "princesses:"
- Alice of Wonderland: She is about as royal as my pinky toe. I supposed it could be argued that she has some sort of official title in the fucked up world of Wonderland, but guess what? She dreamt that shit up. You're not a princess if you're the only one who thinks you are.
- Wendy: Um NO. This bitch seriously needs to gtfo. All Wendy does is gripe and try to flirt with Peter Pan. She's a royal pain in my ass, but she's no princess.
- Eilonwy: Never heard of her? Yeah, there's a reason. She's the princess in The Black Cauldron. Sorry, folks. Few people know the film, even fewer know the princess. Bitch ain't gettin' in the line-up anytime soon.
- Nala: Yeah, she might be Queen of the Pridelands... But she's a fucking lion...
- Esmeralda: Maybe I missed the memo that being a homeless woman somehow equated to royalty, but I'm fairly confident it does not. She may be pretty and sassy, but a princess she is not.
- Meg: Zeus is the king of gods, so Hercules must be the prince, right? So when he marries Meg, she becomes a princess. Makes sense to me! Too bad Disney doesn't seem in the habit of retroactively adding characters to the franchise.
- Kida: She's the Princess of Atlantis, so there's no denying her royal lineage. There's also no denying those box office receipts. I wouldn't count on seeing Kida or any Atlantis: The Lost Empire merchandise, like, ever again.
- Giselle: I'm all for adding the Enchanted darling to the line-up; and in fact, she almost was added!... Until Disney realized they'd have to pay Amy Adams life rights for using her likeness.